


hold me in your beating heart.

by amberwoods



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Married Life, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 23:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12000519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberwoods/pseuds/amberwoods
Summary: He’d got out of bed and walked to the nursery to console his youngest child. When he’d been shushing and cradling her for about twenty minutes, he noticed a silhouette hovering in the door opening. Clarke.“I’ve got her,” he’d said softly, his voice rough with sleep, “Go back to bed.”She just stood there. When he took a closer look, he noticed she had a strange expression on her face. She was looking at Madi.“Clarke?” he asked carefully.





	hold me in your beating heart.

To Bellamy, there was nothing special about this night. It was a Tuesday – he’d been at work all day, trying to get teenagers to find something exciting about ancient Rome. He’d gone to bed early, together with Clarke, and around about three his daughter started crying.

He had glanced at his wife, but she was still asleep and he liked it better that way. Charlotte was sleeping in the small space between her parents’ bodies. She must have crawled in when he was already sleeping. Clarke always let her, even if she grumbled about it in the morning.

He’d got out of bed and walked to the nursery to console his youngest child. When he’d been shushing and cradling her for about twenty minutes, he noticed a silhouette hovering in the door opening. Clarke.

“I’ve got her,” he’d said softly, his voice rough with sleep, “Go back to bed.”

She just stood there. When he took a closer look, he noticed she had a strange expression on her face. She was looking at Madi.

“Clarke?” he asked carefully.

When she finally spoke, her voice was shaking. “Can I… Can you give her to me?”

“Are you okay?” he asked, but he was already walking towards her with Madi.

She lifted up her arms, reaching for the small bundle of human in his arms. “I just need to hold her.”

He handed over Madi and watched as Clarke cradled her to herself, holding her closely to her chest. He could swear he saw her shiver. She looked at their child as if it was the very first time she’d ever seen her. The raw veneration in her eyes made his mouth go dry. He was confused as to why she was acting this way, but she was beautiful. They were beautiful.

He snuck out to get his phone and when he returned it looked like she hadn’t even noticed. She was just looking at Madi, swaying her a little. He couldn’t stop himself. He lifted up his phone and took a picture.

Of course, he had forgotten to turn off the flash, and Clarke got snapped out of her reverie to look at him, a little disoriented. Thankfully, Madi didn’t start crying again. It looked like she’d finally fallen asleep again.

“Sorry,” Bellamy said a little sheepishly. He didn’t try to explain himself. He didn’t really get the chance – because now Clarke was looking at him with that same, strange expression on her face, like she couldn’t really believe he was there. She reached out for him and he stepped towards her instinctively, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her towards himself.

“Clarke,” he said again, “What’s wrong?”

She frowned, an expression he saw on her face so often. Clarke Griffin, always trying to solve the unsolvable. “I had a dream,” she said then.

She looked back down at Madi and let out a deep breath. “They didn’t exist.”

He blinked.

Clarke leaned closer to their baby and pressed her forehead against her tiny body. “They weren’t real,” she then said, emotion making her voice shake.

“Oh, Princess…” Bellamy breathed out empathically and pulled them a little closer to himself. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and instinctively swayed her a little as she had just done to their child.

“I woke up, and Charlotte was beside me and… They weren’t _real_ there, Bell. And I didn’t even _remember_ them. But they’re here.”

“Of course they’re here,” Bellamy mumbled soothingly, “We’re all right here.”

She looked up at him at that and he thought he could see a little of that same veneration in her eyes.

Realisation dawned on him. “Don’t tell me I wasn’t real either?”

Her expression softened into sadness. “You were,” she whispered, looking away, “But you didn’t love me.”

“Clarke,” he breathed out, shocked. He took her face in his hands and tilted it towards him so she looked at him again. “That’s crazy. There’s not a world out there in which I don’t love you.”

Not completely to his surprise, he saw tears appear in her eyes. She stubbornly tried to hold them back. “Isn’t there?”

He gave her the most scandalised expression he could muster. He knew it must look ridiculous, but this… this _was_ ridiculous. “Of course not,” he said, keeping his voice down so as to not wake Madi, “I know I’m an idiot, but I’m not _that_ much of an idiot. You’re the love of my life.”

Two tears escaped at that and he quickly wiped them away. “My darling girl,” he said softly. Her sadness hit him in the gut.

“ _You_ try imagining I never loved you,” she said and it made him feel a sense of relief. There she was – his wife, who always had to try and one-up him. Who always had something to say.

“I don’t want to,” he told her.

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. “Me neither.”

He held her closer to him again, wishing he could somehow make that sadness go away. It went too deep. It touched too much of her. It scared him a little.

“Oh God,” she moaned suddenly and he backed away to look at her again.

Now, she looked absolutely horrified, like the air was being pulled right out of her lungs, like her entire world was being taken from her.

“What is it?”

“What if this is the dream?” she whispered. Her voice was small, as if she was scared to say it. As if saying it would make it real.

“Clarke,” he said again, alarmed now, “Clarke, look at me.”

She dragged her eyes towards him and he could tell when she really _saw_ him again.

“This is not a dream,” he said.

She groaned again and the doubt in her eyes made his insides shake.

“Look at her,” he urged.

Clarke looked down at their daughter, visibly shaken. Her eyes softened at the sight of the sleeping child in her arms.

“Does she feel like a dream?”

Tears were still rolling down Clarke’s cheeks. “She’s so _perfect_.”

He understood what she was thinking. Perfection – it’s unattainable. That’s what they’d all learned throughout life. There was no such thing as perfection.

Yet here it was, pressed against her breast. It was no wonder she couldn’t believe it was real.

“And me?” Bellamy asked. Clarke looked at him. “Am I a dream?”

Clarke looked at him carefully and lifted up one hand to touch his cheek. “You could be,” she breathed.

He pressed her hand to his cheek with his own. “But I’m not,” he whispered back, “This is real. Don’t you remember how we fought for it?”

And it _had_ been a fight. It had been drunken screaming matches and miscommunication after miscommunication. It had been jealousy and insecurity and learning to love themselves as well as the other. But they’d done it. Looking at his life now, it had been worth every bit of it. He’d do it all again.

And that was it – he _would_ do it all again. In any situation, any life, any world, he would do it all for Clarke. For this.

They were gazing at each other when another voice suddenly broke the silence.

“Mommy? Dad?”

They looked up simultaneously. Charlotte was standing in the door opening, rubbing her eyes with her small fist and holding her favourite toy in her other hand. It was an ugly thing, but Abby had worked on it for months, determined to make it herself, and Charlotte loved it.

“It’s alright, honey,” Bellamy smiled at his daughter, “Everything is okay.”

Charlotte yawned and walked over to them, pulling at her mother’s pyjama shirt. “Mom?”

“Yes, honey?” Clarke’s voice was shaking again.

“Y’coming back now?”

Clarke let out a deep breath and suddenly the tension was back in the room. Bellamy watched her carefully as she hunched down to look Charlotte in the eye. “Yes,” she said, “We’ll go together. Just let me put Madi in bed, yes?”

Charlotte nodded and when Clarke glanced up at Bellamy, he felt the tension disappear. She still didn’t look like she could completely believe this was her life, but he recognised that sentiment. He had that too, once in a while. It _was_ incredible. Almost unbelievable. How had he got so lucky?

And when he looked at her now, he could tell that her feelings were shifting that way. To that normal, human, familiar disbelief.

She smiled at him and he reached out to touch her cheek.

It didn’t really matter whether they could believe it. This was real. It always would be.

**Author's Note:**

> look I was emotional okay


End file.
